How to Go From Conflict to Collaboration, Part 2

By Nash Consulting

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We once collaborated with a team that seemed to have a Ph.D. in miscommunication. Picture this: a team meeting, two members start arguing, tensions running high, and the air so thick with awkwardness you could practically spread it on toast, all of which we had courtside seats to. In the past, situations like these would typically result in someone, usually the leader, squashing the dialogue and discouraging further bickering. But not this time. On this occasion, the leader took a remarkable approach. She encouraged the arguing duo to lean into the debate, even remarking, "This is good - this is an important discussion we should be having." As the members navigated their differences, something extraordinary happened. They discovered new solutions and ideas hidden in their opposing viewpoints. This experience had a lasting impact, helping the team discover the value of healthy conflict. They began to realize that embracing diverse perspectives and engaging in constructive dialogue can often lead to remarkable results. Research confirms this, showing that teams that embrace constructive conflicts exhibit higher engagement and innovation levels. So, how can we get some of this goodness? How can we master the art of productive conflict to enhance our relationships and performance?

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In Part 1 of this conflict management series, we explored the importance of understanding our own and other team members' conflict styles. Here in Part 2, we will delve into specific mindsets that individuals and teams can adopt to change their perception of conflict and handle it in a way that yields positive team outcomes. Part 3, in next month's newsletter, will focus on specific behaviors to practice during conflicts to achieve optimal solutions and develop cultures of trust, respect, and psychological safety.

Part 2: The Mindsets of Healthy Conflict

Productive Conflict Requires Adaptive Skills
Managing conflicts effectively and achieving positive outcomes is a skill worth mastering. It’s like being a Jedi of problem-solving but with fewer lightsabers and more emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (which is closely related to what we call adaptive skills) plays a crucial role in determining our overall success in life. Our workshops prioritize teaching these skills, and here are a few examples:

• Active listening to make others feel heard because people who feel heard also feel cared for

• Receiving feedback without defensiveness because reacting defensively discourages others from sharing their concerns

• Giving corrective feedback without accusations, allowing the truth to be communicated while maintaining a connection

• Considering someone else's perspective

• Exercising authority even when it's challenging

• Acknowledging and rectifying mistakes promptly

• Staying calm and engaged despite strong emotions

• Communicating clearly and directly

These skills significantly impact our personal and professional lives, affecting our relationships with colleagues, children, partners, and friends. To grow as individuals, we must prioritize and focus on developing these skills. But how do we do this?

Improving adaptive skills involves a two-part journey. Firstly, we must identify the mindsets that support these adaptive skills, which is the internal part of this journey. By altering our ways of thinking, our beliefs, and our perspectives, we can transform our brains, in some ways even physically (can you say “neuroplasticity?”), which will help us become more proficient in executing whatever adaptive skill we’re focusing on. Secondly, we need to break down these skills into smaller parts and practice these behaviors repeatedly. This external aspect of the journey is essential (and we’ll cover it in next month’s newsletter). Both the external and internal aspects of the journey are essential.

(Check out our podcast episode on learning to develop adaptive skills. Listen to it wherever you get your podcasts.)

Therefore, to develop our adaptive skills in managing conflict, we must address these two key areas: the behaviors and the mindsets related to engaging in conflict. By doing so, we can improve outcomes, build stronger relationships, and become more effective managers and team members.

The Internal Work: Conflict Management Mindsets 
Let's focus on the internal side and develop our mindsets around conflict.

1. Embrace a Growth Mindset and Let Curiosity Take the Lead
Approaching conflicts with a growth mindset, as suggested by a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, promotes open-mindedness and a willingness to learn from others. Suspending our certainty, getting curious, and viewing conflicts as opportunities for growth and learning can shift the dynamic from adversaries to collaborators. Furthermore, cultivating curiosity helps us avoid confirmation bias and stereotypes, enabling us to creatively address challenges instead of reacting defensively or aggressively.

To cultivate curiosity, we can ask ourselves questions like:

• What can I learn from this person?

• What might they know that I don’t?

• What can I learn about this person – or myself – from this situation?

• What about their perspective is interesting or rings true?

• What is it about their life experiences (or mine) that have led them (or me) to this viewpoint? 

Another great way to harness curiosity and a growth mindset is to practice self-compassion (see #6 further down). Conflict resolution often involves acknowledging and addressing our own mistakes and those of others. Cultivating self-compassion allows us to accept our imperfections and view setbacks as opportunities for growth. This mindset promotes resilience and a focus on finding solutions and learning from experience, rather than protecting ourselves.

2. Be Aware of Your Biases and Assumptions
Gaining self-awareness of our own biases and underlying assumptions is a crucial step toward effective conflict management. Recognizing and analyzing our biases allows us to better understand the perspectives of others and work towards objective solutions. This helps us avoid making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, leading to more productive conversations.

Here are a few suggestions to help develop self-awareness in this area:

• Reflect on your upbringing and experiences: Consider how your background, culture, and personal history might have shaped your beliefs and values. How might these factors influence your perceptions of others and their viewpoints?

• Seek feedback from others: Ask trusted friends, colleagues, or mentors for their honest opinions about any biases they perceive in your thoughts or actions. Encourage them to provide specific examples or instances where they have noticed potential biases.

• Explore different perspectives: Actively seek out viewpoints and experiences that differ from your own. Read books, engage in discussions, or participate in diverse social activities that expose you to different cultures, beliefs, and ideologies. How do these new perspectives challenge or confirm your existing biases?

• Challenge your assumptions: Whenever you encounter a conflicting viewpoint or idea, question your immediate reactions. What assumptions or biases might be contributing to your resistance or dismissal of the alternative perspective?

Remember that self-awareness is an ongoing process, and it requires patience, openness, self-compassion (there it is again!), and a willingness to challenge our own beliefs. By consistently exploring and questioning our biases, we can develop a more objective and empathetic approach to conflict management.

3. Empathy: The Superpower of Conflict Resolution
Empathy is the secret ingredient for successful conflict resolution. Research has consistently shown that higher levels of empathy lead to better conflict resolution and more creative outcomes in the workplace. When we can put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, seek to understand their emotions, and search for common ground, we create a solid foundation of trust and respect and diffuse heated situations before they escalate. Reflect on questions like:

• What emotions might the other person be experiencing in this conflict?

• What are their underlying needs or desires that might be driving their behavior?

• How might their past experiences or background influence their perspective?

• What common ground or shared values might we have that can serve as a foundation for empathy?

By reflecting on these kinds of questions, we can develop a deeper understanding of the other person's experiences and emotions, which in turn can foster empathy and contribute to a more constructive resolution of the conflict.

4. Embrace the Constructive Power of Conflicts
Who says conflicts are always negative? (Not us!) Research has shown that teams involved in constructive conflicts actually perform better. Picture a team engaging in open communication, respecting diverse perspectives, and working together to find mutually beneficial solutions. Why not shift our mindset and see conflicts as opportunities to strengthen relationships and make smarter decisions?

5. Lean into Vulnerability
Choosing to engage in conflict requires vulnerability, as it involves exposing ourselves to criticism, discomfort, rejection, and missteps. But having the courage to expose ourselves to these risks is also a catalyst for authentic dialogue, meaningful connections, and personal growth. As researcher Brene Brown explains, vulnerability is the birthplace of belonging, courage, empathy, and creativity. Let’s step outside of our comfort zones, lean into the discomfort, and be brave, because the results are so worth it.

6. Gift Yourself Compassion
In the midst of conflict, it’s easy to beat ourselves up over mistakes. But here’s a secret: self-compassion can be our guiding light. By accepting our imperfections and seeing setbacks as opportunities for growth, we can cultivate resilience and focus our energy not on self-protection, but on finding solutions. So, let’s be kind to ourselves and learn from the experience. (Check out our blog post on self-compassion and why it’s not touchy-feely but rather a crucial management skill.) 

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By adopting these mindsets, individuals and teams can transform conflicts into catalysts for stronger relationships, better decision-making, and improved team performance. Remember, mastering healthy conflict is an ongoing journey that requires self-work, courage, and support. And the transformative results are worth the effort.
 

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We can help your team build skills for and commitments to productive collaboration and a healthy approach to conflict.

Schedule a meeting with us here to learn more.