Let Your Team Have That Heated Conversation

Sometimes teams pull back from important discussions for fear of triggering an emotional outburst. If that’s happening on your team, it’s time to address it. The first place to start is in developing a new mindset about emotions. Emotions aren’t something to be avoided, but rather, something to pay attention to and learn from. If you’re seeing an emotional outburst (whether that be crying, yelling, or table-pounding), it’s likely that there is some injury being done to the person. It might be because the discussion is challenging a deeply-held belief, or providing new and disorienting information, or causing the person to question their abilities, character, or self-concept. When a team member reacts emotionally, simply say, “This is important. What do I need to understand?” The wording is significant because you don’t want to make the person feel embarrassed or stigmatized. Paraphrase what you hear until you get a clear sign from the person that you have articulated the root of the issue. Then pivot your questions toward action, “What would a good path forward look like for you?” Ultimately, how you engage with emotions will be the most influential cue for how your team should. Your role as a manager is to guide your team into and through the most contentious discussions that face your business. Too many teams avoid conflict for fear of creating “drama.” Teach your team how to channel emotions to improve your decision-making, increase trust and connection, and make everyone feel seen and understood.