In the 25 years since my book Emotional Intelligence was published, one of the most persistent things I see people get wrong about the concept is that it equates to being “nice.” But it doesn’t, and misunderstanding this can get people into trouble.
What People (Still) Get Wrong About Emotional Intelligence
It’s not just about being nice.
December 22, 2020
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Summary.
Many people assume that having emotional intelligence means being“nice.” But this perception obscures some fundamental benefits to developing one’s EI. For example, simply saying someone is nice can belie the fact that they’re only nice to some people and not others. Or, if you think that being nice simply means being a pushover, you might not take advantage of the EI framework’s capacity to teach you about productive conflict management. You might also fail to consider or check the dark side of your own EI — an ability to influence or manipulate someone without their interests in mind. By understanding how EI actually works, you can have powerful, productive conversations that build up your ability to influence and lead across all your relationships.