Yes, you can!

Lifelong Task: The goal of improving (becoming the best possible version of yourself) is a lifelong task for most of us. When things go wrong, we often want to ‘outsource the blame’ to others. However, there’s often more mileage in looking for solutions internally.

Self-Control: The good news is that this is something that we can control. Positive self-regard/confidence has a spill-over impact on resilience i.e. it increases your capacity to deal with the normal speed bumps of executive life.  I’ve worked with executives who’ve had to overcome incredibly stressful situations, including being publicly fired and even sent to prison. They survived. I’ve also worked with executives where relatively minor ‘speed bumps’ (e.g. a less than perfect performance rating) have completely floored them, in one case actually ending a positive career. Confidence, like the foundation of a building, needs to be solid to withstand the normal turbulence of life.  And, in my experience, it needs to be continually replenished.

Easy Sale: Most people intuitively understand the importance of confidence.  Ask a parent what they want for their kids and most will reply (a) for them to be happy (b) for their kids to be confident. Indeed, there’s a strong argument that happiness and confidence are closely intertwined. Tip: If they say that they want their kids to become a Lawyer, reply “Oh that’s nice” and quickly walk away.

Pony Up: In their book Advances in Management Education, John Beck and Charles Cox tell the following story:  A psychiatrist had twin boys aged 10.  They were completely different in temperament, one being an incurable optimist, whilst the other was a pessimist.  Their father decided that he would try to alter these fixed patterns. On the night before their 11th birthday he made extensive preparations. He packed one room of the house with presents, everything a boy could want – books, toys, games and so on. Outside he filled a large shed with horse manure.

In the morning he greeted his sons and sent the pessimist to the room full of presents and the optimist to the shed.  After a while he went to see how they were reacting.  The pessimist sat looking worried in the midst of all the opened gifts: “What’s the matter?”  said the father.  “With all these presents here, there just has to be a catch” replied the pessimist. The father sighed and walked in search of the optimist who could hardly be seen for flying shovels.  He was standing waist deep in the manure, laughing and shoveling.  “Son’ said his father, ‘why are you so happy?”  The boy turned, still laughing, and replied, “Well, dad, with all this horse shit, there must be a pony!”

Wrong Conclusion: It’s a good story and usually raises a smile. It’s just a pity that it reinforces an incorrect message. In my experience, the idea that our personalities are a fixed commodity, like some form of mental birthmark, is incorrect.  For sure we are born with certain physical attributes. And, there is good evidence to suggest that aspects of our personality have a strong genetic component. But our ‘software’  (how we see the world and interpret events) is enormously malleable. Regardless of whether we were born with a ‘silver’ or a ‘rusty’ spoon in our mouth – we can overwrite the mental tapes which were laid down in our early years.

Long Journey:  This isn’t some magic potion; there’s no instant fix.   It’s a lifelong journey to become the very best possible version of yourself.  But, it may just be the most important journey you will ever undertake. In my experience, the confident place you will arrive at – will definitely be worth the hassle of the journey.

Paul

PS I’ve put together a separate set of ‘exercises’ on how to build confidence. If you would like a copy of this, just send an email to paul@tandemconsulting.ie  There’s no cost and no catch.

PPS Lighter Note: Couple of funny 1-liners on self-esteem.

Always be yourself. Unless, of course, you can be a Jedi. Then, always be a Jedi.

I’m actually quite attractive, if you stand far enough away.

I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself, yet I still think I’m better than everyone else.

I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.

I’m Jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Best Friend: “I think your low self-esteem comes from you being a completely worthless person.”

I’m a big fan of low self-esteem. It comes in handy at review time.

Moment of Truth:“What if I’m not actually the cutest boy in the world – and my Mom just said that to boost my self-esteem?”

At least Mosquitoes find me attractive.

If a fat kid falls in the forest, and there’s no-one around to see it, is it still hilarious?

“I can’t seem to find myself” Where’s Wally in Therapy!

Check our website http://www.tandemconsulting.ie or call 087 2439019 for an informal discussion about executive or organization development