Seamus (not his real name) was having a rough time at work. An attorney at a large firm, he lost a big trial that the company had invested heavily in. He was relieved when the company still offered him the promotion he’d been working toward — but he then had to turn down the role because it would have required him to relocate.
What to Do When a Colleague Excludes You
Being given the cold shoulder is a common occurrence, and it can be hurtful, often with tangible consequences like disengagement and missing important information. But understanding why it happens yields some helpful tactics for avoiding the pain. First, it often occurs accidentally: the person excluding you doesn’t even realize they’re doing it. That means they’ll be more likely to deny it if you confront them about it, but it also means that you can dismiss negative thoughts you might be having about their deliberate attempt to harm you. Second, even when it is deliberate, often the person doing it doesn’t realize how harmful it is; it’s often a substitute for what they see as a more aggressive way to deal with a conflict. By understanding this and by approaching them about the conflict directly, you can move beyond the disagreement.