Leadership Tip #2: Do the Right Thing, Even When it Feels Uncomfortable

We all like to think we use our value-based integrity to decide and act. And I bet you've seen people who don't appear to use that kind of integrity. If you talk to them, they say they intend to do the right thing. However, they don't always act according to their intentions.

Here's an example I see all too often. A senior manager, SM, receives an estimate the SM doesn't like. SM asks a “lower” (on-the-hierarchy) manager/leader, LM, to change the estimate. What does that “lower” manager do?

I happen to like this answer or something like it: “Sorry. I can't change the estimate for the team. Would you like to discuss the features you want, in the time you allotted, for the money you want to spend? Then I can discuss these new constraints with the team.” (Take a look at the boundaries, drivers, and constraints series for more details on these questions. You might need other questions.)

When we answer in that way, we honor all the people involved plus the context. (See the Insubordination vs Caring About the System post for more information.)

You might choose different words, but the idea is you, as an LM, support your team. In addition, you try to support your senior manager, by not discounting the SM's need for a different result.

You might not feel comfortable, but you can say words like this if you feel safe enough to do so.

What if you don't feel safe enough to say the right thing?

That's when we do the wrong thing.

Safety Allows Us to Do the Right Thing

What about LMs who answer in these ways:

• Sure, would you like to cut testing?
• I'm sure the team can do it in less time.
• No problem!

All of those answers placate the SM.

Those answers ignore the team's context. If you've ever been an LM and said of any of these things, you traded comfort in the moment for a ton of long-term pain.

If you don't feel safe enough to have a useful conversation with the SM, you might not feel able to do the right thing.

The SM might not realize the SM's job is to create a culture where everyone can do their best job. Part of that job is where people respect each other enough to disagree. (See the series about Organizational Culture).

And, many of our reward structures make psychological safety close to impossible. If your organization ranks people, or rewards people on their deliverables, don't expect a lot of psychological safety. Those actions mean the people in the organization live in a zero-sum game.

Here are questions I use when I want to do the right thing and I feel as if my safety is in question.

Consider These Questions to Reinforce Everyone's Value-Based Integrity

When an SM asks a question like this, I have a little checklist of questions to consider. Will my answer:

• Make it easier for the team to do their work? (This is about the team as the other.)
• Reduce risks for the team and the organization? (The context.)
• Create a better experience for the customers? (The context.)

Or, will my answer make it easier for me and possibly the SM?

If my answer makes it easier for me, I need to reconsider my answer.

If I can clarify my concerns with my SM, especially using a story, I am more likely to have a better conversation.

In the past, I've said, “You know, SM, we tried that last year with release x.y. Remember how our Very Important Customer was so angry with us? We decided, as an organization, we never wanted to do that again. Want to discuss what our options are, especially if you want this release done faster?”

Why am I not appealing to logic? Because logic doesn't change people's minds. Feelings change people's minds. When I remind the SM how he or she felt before, I'm more likely to change the SM's mind.

As leaders, our biggest value is the value-based integrity we bring to to the organization.

Momentary Discomfort vs Long-Term Organizational Pain

I've had plenty of opportunities to have momentary comfort and long-term organizational pain. I lost count of the number of times I called my husband and said, “I might not have a job in a couple of hours.”

Somehow, those were never the times my managers laid me off.

However, I would rather have momentary discomfort, rather than inflict a lot of pain in the organization.

And we are each different in the amount of risk we can manage. I don't judge you for your choices. As long as you make your choices consciously.

As much as you can, use your values to do the right thing. I was (and still am) not sorry when I do.

(This is one of those intermittent series of posts about leadership, loosely based on the Modern Management Made Easy books. Use the leadership-tip tag here to find them.)