When You Feel like Complaining or Blaming…Take Action!

I recently flew on a flight from San Diego to Atlanta. The person sitting next to me spent the first two hours of our flight complaining about his company, his boss, his direct reports, his peers and even his wife and kids. Two hours of listening to how bad everything in this guy’s life really was made me want to get off the plane mid-flight. I finally asked this guy, “If you are not happy…why don’t you find a new job?” He quickly responded that he worked in a small industry and there were not a lot of good jobs to be found. My problem was that I’d had a glass of wine which lowered my good judgement bar and I said to this depressing guy, “Well, not for you!” The last two hours of my flight were spent in silence. He did not even say goodbye to me when he got off the plane.  

The fundamental problem with complaining or blaming is that it does absolutely nothing to improve your situation. On the contrary, it makes things worse because it makes people feel comfortable knowing that, since they are not the source or reason for their problem or complaint, it absolves them from having to take action to change their condition. Instead of focusing on what we call the “Aim Frame” by asking themselves where they want to go and how they can get there, complainers and blamers always focus on the “Blame Frame.” They ask two questions:

What is wrong… and who is to blame?

If you ask complainers and blamers what they accomplish by spending time addressing these two questions, they almost always universally answer either, “Nothing,” or “It makes me feel better.” It is important to note that the first answer they provide, “Nothing,” is not correct. By determining what is wrong with the world and who deserves the blame, the complainers and blamers are absolving themselves from having to take any action to solve the problem. They believe that until the person or thing being blamed fixes itself, there is nothing they can do. Feeling good about not taking action is a significant accomplishment in itself.

Since complaining and blaming accomplish so little, here are 5 tips to help you improve your results and achieve your goals:

1. Create and maintain a positive vision of your future. A vision is a clear mental picture, described in words, of the outcome you desire. Your vision, if it is a good one, is going to be tested. These are trying times. Life has ups and downs. Economies have cycles. Relationships change as people grow. Careers and jobs change. All of these changes are to be expected, but they still create huge tension in your vision. There are two ways to reduce the tension. First, you can lower your vision. The easiest way to lower your vision is to blame the lack of achieving your vision on someone or something else. The second way to reduce the tension created by your vision is to set goals and then take action each day that takes you closer to your vision. Many people believe the concept of a vision is overrated. Norman Vincent Peale was on target when he said, “Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure.” Whether you think you can turn your vision into a reality or whether you think you cannot, you are right.
2. Set goals to achieve your vision. Goals are milestones you will need to accomplish to realize your vision. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable and time bound.
3. Establish a step-by-step plan to accomplish your goals. When you buy something in a box that says, “Some assembly required,” you can be guaranteed there will be instructions in the box. It is usually then when you find out the words on the box were a lie…a lot of assembly is required. When you write out your plans to accomplish your goals, similar to the instructions inside the box, you find that it is much easier to work the plan and achieve your goals.
4. Hold yourself accountable. Accountability is all about accepting responsibility for the end result…no excuses! If one road does not lead to success, then accountable people find another road or build one. If you are a manager, then it is your job to hold your team members accountable. Let’s say that you have a team member who is spreading ill will and discontent (complaining and blaming) to other people on the team.  There are two things you need to know. One, your employee does not have enough to do. They have way too much time on their hands that allows them the freedom to complain. And two, you are not holding the team member accountable to high enough standards of productivity.
5. Celebrate life…celebrate your opportunities…celebrate success. As much as we may want to complain and blame, we are alive! Buddha said it well, “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”

If you practice these five tips each day, you will be so focused on the results, you will have little time for excuses, complaining or blaming. You can choose results or you can choose excuses that are built upon the foundation of complaining or blaming…but you can only choose one. Whichever path you choose to take…you wrote your own ticket.