15 fun ways to waste time and avoid marketing2 min read
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Every once in a while, I post a free public service announcement here for qualified organizations.
Today, it’s from the “We Hate Marketing Our Professional Services Club.” Or the W.H.M.O.P.S.C. for short.
Instead of torturing yourself by doing any so called… “community connecting and schmoozing activities” (the devil’s work)…
Do these 11 fun things instead.
1. Play around on Spotify with the intention of creating the world’s greatest 60’s and 70’s rock playlist. You will be so cool.
2. Collect stamps. It’s wholesome. Admit it.
3. Answer your email in s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n. While eating a burrito.
4. Keto Baking. At last, a breakfast with no sugar.
5. Lurk nervously on Linked In. Make snide but insightful comments anonymously.
6. Post articles on F.B. thinking, “Oh, this will get me some likes!” Yippee!
7. Troll Facebook pro-fascist websites and post racy limericks.
8. Answer the phone with a Portuguese accent… If that f**ing thing would ever ring.
9. YouTube really is verrrrrry educational.
10. Turn on Zoom, talk to yourself and tell jokes in bad taste.
11. Organize your vitamin shelf alphabetically.
12. Fold 6,000 Amazon boxes and stack at curb.
13. Macrame 6-layer face-mask with a Delta emoji.
14. Can you say, “audio books”?
15. Your evening t-buddies: Netflix, Prime, HBO, Disney, Q-non
Yes, and I think you can come up with 13,000 more. Easily.
But never, ever, ever connect with someone and have a live chat or conversation – Coffee, Park, Zoom. Wherever.
NEVER!
Since this is the ONLY thing that actually works to get new clients, costs nothing and takes not a lotta time…
…you would NOT want to do that or even attempt it.
Too dangerous.
Definitely a baaaaad idea.
Don’t you dare.
No emails asking to chat. No chatting whatsoever. That could be misconstrued as pressure.
Arrgghh, not pressure!
You can’t be seen as a desperate manipulator who actually explores ideas with people!!
What might happen? It would obviously be horrific.
And an absolute never is to lead a group session of any kind! That’s almost criminal. What if they had fun?
Instead, wait around on your computer and pray for a stream of email, L.I., F.B. or Tw messages that say, “I want to hire you for your brilliance and expertise and pay you a lot of money, and can you start right now?”
Yeah, that’s a much better idea!
Do that instead. It’ll definitely work.
Cheers, Robert
P.S. This message is serious and will save you from the horror of social ostracism.
Send me your best ways to avoid marketing. Large cash prizes.
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