When You Don’t Respect Your Boss

As a parent, each of my children have come to me at some point in their middle school or high school career and asked me to write a note to their school requesting to change one of their classes because they did not like their teacher. To be exact, one of my kids said the teacher did not care if the students learned or not and…the teacher sucked! I have asked each one of my children the same question, “Do you know why they assigned this teacher specifically to you?” When they each responded, “no” I had to let them know the answer. High schools assign bad teachers because they are preparing kids in life for when you are assigned a bad boss. In high school and in life, you seldom get to pick your teacher or your boss.

To be successful in both school and work, you have to figure out the expectations of your teacher and boss and then figure out how to perform at a level to exceed their expectations. At school, you can talk to your teacher about your concerns. If that does not work, you can talk to your counselor. If that does not work, you can talk to an assistant principal or principal. When all fails, you go back to class and suck it up. My final comment to each of my kids was don’t let one teacher, who does not care, mess with your GPA, what college you go to or even what you accomplish in the future. You have a lot more control than you think you do. Do everything within your control to take actions that will improve this situation and your outcome.

When we have interviewed employees, some of the behaviors their boss incorporates into their management style include:

Not being honest: Telling a direct report to take specific actions. Then, when there is resistance from others in the organization regarding the changes, the boss denies he told the direct report to take those actions.

Unfair: Not holding all team members accountable. Team members produce good results for their department, but do not work well communicating and collaborating cross-departmentally.

Unwilling to make decisions: When the leader thinks that someone on the team or organization may not like a decision, they procrastinate doing the right thing or making any decision at all.

Does not accept feedback: When people have tried to express their concerns to this leader, the leader gives both verbal and nonverbal signals that they do not appreciate the feedback. The end result is people stop telling the leader things they should know but refuse to hear.

Do not invest the time to grow and develop their direct reports: These leaders are more focused on their own career than serving and supporting the growth and development of the members of their team.

Promote a negative vision: These leaders are more likely to manage by focusing on problems and what they perceive is wrong versus spending the majority of their time providing praise, recognition and gratitude to others for what is going well or right. As Jackie Freiberg, a fellow keynote speaker, author and friend says, “They excel in pole vaulting over mouse turds.”

Does not communicate in a timely manner: This leader communicates on a “need to know” basis or “when specifically asked.” This creates situations where team members are hesitant to make decisions because they may not be clear on the goals or have the latest information available.

Lack trust: One reason that direct reports do not respect their boss is because their manager believes they are the only one who can do the work and meet their own expectations.

Creates fire drills: Because this leader does not communicate well or delegate important work, when deadlines approach, leaders who are not respected create fire drills so everyone can enjoy the pressure of meeting a deadline…at the same time, they know this rush would not have happened with a leader who is respected.  

Does not honor confidences: Talks about one employee to another or shares personal performance information about individuals in a group setting.

So what do you do if you work for a boss that has multiple characteristics listed above?

Here is our advice. First, ask yourself, “What if it is me?” In these difficult situations, many times the employee who does not respect their boss was in a relationship with a previous boss where they had a strong relationship based on respect. Most likely, some team members in the organization do well with your boss, even though you do not. Take responsibility and be accountable for improving the relationship by taking the following actions:

Over communicate: Knowing your boss is not a good communicator, over communicate with him. Ask him lots of questions to ensure you have the best information available and know what deadlines will be approaching in the near future. If you get conflicting information from your boss, verify it with him and multiple sources. Send emails to your boss to confirm information or directives that have been conveyed to you. Set up time to review your development plan with your boss. Ask him if your plan is on target or if he has any other recommendations. Even with a bad boss, there is a lot more that you can control to make the relationship work.

Meet with boss one-on-one: Before you share your concerns with other employees, other leaders in the organization or even Human Resources, meet with your boss one-on-one and share your concerns. Let your boss know your suggestions of what you can do to build an even stronger working relationship and ask your boss for his recommendations of what both he and you can do to improve the situation. It has been our experience that, once you involve Human Resources before you meet one-on-one with your boss, it is much more difficult to repair and grow the relationship. A good rule of thumb is go meet with the person first who has the best chance of improving the condition of your relationship.

Do the right thing: When we coach team members who do the right thing in the best interest of the organization, team and internal and external customers, most times the employees do well. It is hard to shoot at people who are making the right decisions.

Develop options: If you do not respect your boss, it is most likely going to become apparent in how you communicate and interact with your boss. If your boss has any clout in the organization, most likely they are going to have one goal…to replace you with someone who they can build a relationship based on mutual respect. Know this fact, take action and look for a new job with a new boss you can respect. Either inside your current organization or with a new company, some boss is already excited about honoring and respecting the gifts you will bring to your next job.